Why Stories Work

The bad weather made it impossible to drive. He pulled over to the curb, and waited until it was safe to continue. He passed the time listening to loud radio shows. They were really noisy. And the hosts didn't talk about anything he was interested in. After awhile, he quit listening.

The above passage is an example of telling, not showing. How can you recognize the difference? Telling ignores the basic cause-effect logic of scene progression. The sentences skip the cause, leaping ahead to the point-of-view character's subjective internalization, part of the effect. To convert passages like this from telling to showing, follow this easy guideline:

1. Ask "why?" of each guilty sentence. For instance, why was the bad weather impossible to drive in? Don't be satisfied with an answer like, "Well, it was raining really hard." Keep asking why until generalities disappear, and facts surface.

2. Rewrite the sentence as a simple statement of fact. Stating facts is not the same as telling, because facts don't draw conclusions for the reader. Example: "The pounding rain overwhelmed the windshield wipers." Ah, so that's why!

3. To guard against author intrusion (another form of telling), check that the point-of-view character knows the facts as stated. It helps if the facts involve him in some way.
Rewritten passage--

The pounding rain overwhelmed the windshield wipers. He pulled over to the curb, and checked his watch. If the storm continued with this much force another ten minutes, he'd be late. He flipped on the radio. A heavy metal song screamed out of the speakers. He changed the station to a talk radio program about a shelter for over-the-hill racing pigeons. Minutes dragged by. They felt like hours. Instead of relaxing, he felt the pressure building in his neck and jaw, so he snapped the radio off.